They only know me and my daughter, so when we get together we dont seem like were missing someone. Thirty days later I lost my only sibling. He was the love of my life. why 5 months later, Im still stunned and grieving! . I feel totally broken, and none of my friends understand, they just get in with their lives in a way I can never do again. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you. After I took him off life support. He and mum lived in Ireland and me and my two brothers visited them regularly. Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. Ive been told several times that I should be over it by now. I sold our acreage in Iowa and moved to Oklahoma to be close to them. Some days I just find it impossible to even tackle housework having that cant be bothered feeling and only going out to do the weekly shop. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. I guess we are never really prepared for the death of a loved one. I cant have gone completely cold though, as I cry reading all your letters, and am so grateful that we have each other xxx. After being married for 42 years. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. My days run together, its the absolute worst heartache Ive ever experienced. tells you to contact the IRS ; Calling outside of these conditions isn't recommended because the IRS representatives won't be able to provide additional information on your tax return status. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. Im now 64 and hed be 61 but we were like he would be 61 but it was like kids meeting for the first time. Its been twenty months and it breaks my heart. They say time is a great healer but somehow it does not seem to be. The twelve month anniversary of my wifes passing came and I thought I would cope but I totally lost it. We held each other. My new challenge going forward. I am now dating someone Ive known for 40 yrs. A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized then sent to hospice and then he was gone. I also feel the pain my children feel on his birthday and fathers day. What your going thru. Its been almost two years since I found him. If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. I feel like if I move out and get my own place something new I may be able to. I also did acupuncture in the ears to help with the grief. My life has forever been changed I have good days and mostly sad Do I wont to be in a realationship again. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. Email him on: lordzakuza7 @ gmail. I know she feels depressed. We where married for 29 years. I too want it to end. I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. But I think I am doing ok in my grieving process, just grieving intensely right now. Wish I was with my wife really. I miss him so much and find myself crying lots.I want him back and I know that its impossible. Take care of yourself. we lost most of our family. All I can tell you is that in the weeks following his death I visited psychics, read about everything I could in an afterlife, looked forward signs.this is called denial. The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but youll come out. Someone here on this site suggested stepping out and focusing on others in need of helpI think that could be wise. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. I live with grief and depression everyday. I feel that while I will always miss my best friend and suffer great loss and sadness over her death, this home is a tomb of artifacts for me. I have less control in things than I thought I did. I will type a little should you come back here. My good friend @goodiepocket gave me the sweetest early birthday gift and he edited together a tribute video for Beemo from the hundreds of videos on my phone. I lost my son in June 2017. I lost my husband 5 months ago we were married r5 yrs. Ill always miss him. Sometimes I try to think about losing him so I can cry but the tears dont come and its eating me up inside. I want to be with him. On those days I have to get up. When he died, a part of me died with him. Hi, I,m in the second year of my husbands death. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? It still hurts and i wish it didnt. Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and Im supposed to not talk about my son. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. Living with cancer was all we had ever known. I felt relieved when he passed away, because I know he's not hurting anymore. On the way to get my daughter and son. I keep busy and that helps but I only have to look at his photo and that starts me off! Im working towards my PhD in Holistic health & nutrition, I run every day to keep depression at bay, practice yoga, lift weights, take walks, & I appreciate & thank God for good memories we had shared & the little beautiful moments I may experience each day, like a colorful sunset from my window or a whistling bird outside. It all came back like it was the first few days after he passed. Seek family, friends or local grief help. My birthday. They are blessings. We married at age 19. Anyway we are ALLdifferent but for me sitting round crying ( I do at times) seems such a waste of MY life. Such strength. Its almost like drowning, Amber. I cant go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. Date Calculator - Add or subtract days, months, years. Then type a formula like one of the following. I feel so cheated. My only advice from a husband perspective is dont be afraid to find someone to love again. John R. Lewis, congressman and civil rights icon, 80. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief. And then there are days where I can't believe that it has been this long. They had a great loss as well My son was larger than life and is missed by everyone who ever crossed paths with him. he asked me in a parting note not to forget him, or my other brother who died in 2018 or my parents who went before. I havent eaten a real meal since it happened. I love him and miss him so very much. I function. So in my head all I know is they were wrong. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. Steve. While we may be by ourselves we are never truly alone, I feel your pain and now you know mine. You are not depressed and forget the damn therapy! I can not and will not just put my son aside like he wasnt an amazing person. My wife passed away just over 2 yrs ago. All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. Im so sorry I cried reading that ,,,my dads nane was Harry and my mom is still broken hearted two years later ,they were married 72 years ,,,I lost my husband to cancer two years ago I know how you feel ,,Im convinced a piece of my heart is broke, Denise my mom passed away 2nd Feb 2018 she was 81 I lived with my mom Im 50 we talked about everything as well she was so easy to talk to I loved her so much losing mom has broke my heart Im in the house alone now mom had lived there 48 years. The shock and numbness in the first year was dreadful, but it did protect me from the sharpness of the pain I now feel. We were married 47 years. Theses waves of grief dont last all day, as they did last year, but they are intense when they do happen, yet short. We stay in touch quite well.I just want my life back, but it was my husband that made me whole. And I still miss you, I can't image life without you. We will all meet again in the end. He and I have no extended family -so it was just us and our girls. I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. We fought about it all the time and would say nasty things to each other among the lies etc. I still do Mindfullness as a sleeping aid when needed. Mom was it. There seems no point although I try to pray. I cry everyday for my friend .. we were kindred spirits .. theres a song called One more day by Diamond Rio .. pretty much sums up how Im feeling .. good luck to you x. Lorettajust. I feel so alone and lost. What happened to me ( Im 16 months in) was I have not had a nights sleep for weeks ,looking after my partner. I am fine with it- I would welcome it- My time and work here is now done. This is by far the worse loss i have experienced. I know you will make the right decision what to do about your future. One day in a moment of clarity she told me how her mind was working, well kind of. I must have made my mom thousands of cups of tea over the yearshow I wish I could sit with her and have one more. He told me, thats how you cope with grief, you need to talk about it over & over until finally you stop. Everyone learns to readjust to it just being us that arrives for get together Some relationships didnt make it. Your post is spot on and so true and give me hope and comfort knowing I am right where I need to be. Dear Charaine We loved each other like no other. So much ahead-so many great plans. I am into year #2 . Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. I feel guilty that it doesnt; as if I am hanging on to the grief. One day we are shopping, and the next day Im dealing with his death. I am learning from many of you on how to survive. I keep asking myself inside and out how can this be. Seriously! When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. Holly. I dread Christmas. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever. I cry everyday. I dont know what to think. My throat always feels like Ive swallowed a big gobstopper. I do have friends and church family that will not allow me to stay inside for very long. I do not know what long enough means. I can talk about her normally without crying and the quiet and loneliness is deafening. i feel like i am stronger than this, i know what i should be doing, but i find myself communicating by email, and everyone has gone back to living their life as they should. Still no cause has been found. I find myself not wanting to be around them because they get frustrated that I can not move forward. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it. Pamela. Just trying to move forward in life but the pain came back again and it hurts so much. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. She was crying every day on the way to and from work. I still think of him every day even though I am dating a wonderful man. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. . I dont think I know how to live a normal life and cant really relate to other people . I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. My Bill was my soulmate, best friend, husband and the love of my life for 40 years. Its familiar, but different. They only thing was he was not responding to any stimuli, he just so happened to have a little brain damage in the best place possible, but after a week, we decided to let him go, the neurologist gave us no possible hope and his numbers were not getting better. In fact, a week after diagnosis (and at that time we didnt know the prognosis) the tumour haemorrhaged and 2 weeks after diagnosis, he died. I wish I were there to give you a hug. it feels like there is no end. I have a lot of support but. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. As seasons go, you would probably consider this one very dark. Even negativity so unlike me! Doesnt judge and helps hold us up. Uthayanan SETHUPATHY. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. My whole life has been turned upside down. Doctors once said I would never be able to conceive. Linda, your comments really moved me because I totally agree with you. I have no fuse left, everything makes me mad and Im forever yelling at everyone and sometimes I even throw things. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. Im human and nothing is odd about what I am going through. Nursed and cared for him at home right to the very end. We had bought a house, were remodeling it, and then going to sell the house and move out to the country. I HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE for my kids. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. And i am a non violent wwoman! We did not have any children its just me & my 4 dogs & other pets that we both adored. Mike was my power house. After the loss of a family pet, many people wonder how long they should wait before they get a new cat or dog. Then she was born. Read as much as you can and talk an listen as much as you can and find the way through this. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented). I cannot deal with that thought. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. I keep myself so busy its a little crazy. You are facing reality head due to your grief. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I still cant believe hes gone. Please keep me in prayer as I figure out what my nect steps are. However, in my experience, I did not want to live after I lost my wife..for most of the year. I am conflicted as I proceed. Excuse me BRUHH - Castro. I found The Five Wishes online to be a friendly way to opening the discussion of dying. Dear Dad, It's been one year and one month since you're gone. You said it for me. Which is understandable. For me going on this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the lose. I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I dont come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, its incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. Now and then there are good moments that let me see how lucky I was to have him in my life. My third recommendation is a book titled Overcomer by Dr. David Jeremiah. That only means your human and your heart needs to hug and kiss another , to connect. "Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply" - Zane Grey. Her not being here Two and a half years since my heart left. I crie often even in my sleep, I dont think it will ever stop been this way for me. So lets make the best of the life we have. Praying for us all. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. He was just a well God given person put together. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. We would have had 28 years together next month. My Uncle was my Father figure, he & my Mum were very close & he would talk about her regularly. Thank you for sharing your stories it makes me feel kind of normal. My husband died 8 mos ago. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. Today I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up., i finally got dressed at 5:00 why bother. You know ever since he passed away. It will soon be my 2nd Christmas without him and IT HURTS!!! @@i lost my daughter May 2, 2018. The day before my birthday. I still love them all for the years we spent together and for what they meant to my wife. How I just want 5 minutes with him to tell him he was the kindest most gentlest man I ever knew. I feel them close. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. I keep trying becasuse I know he would want to ,my grown kids need me and my two little grand children need me. I dream of him every night and wake up and think he is with me. He died suddenly in war. And i can relate with you. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. But until these well meaning people develop a great deal of empathy, they just dont get it!! I kept two puppies and suddenly have 4 dogs that I enjoy, more than church more than people. He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. I find comfort in knowing we did everything we could together when we could. Nearly a Yr on that pain never goes away. My most often comment was I dont know how to do this. So I was been very very careful about how I was feeling questioning everything . You see as more time passes, the enormity of the loss is more amplified. Never happy. Any advise? I also listened to grief counselors online. Im 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we cant hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. No shoulders left 2 lean on. He was 45 when he passed I was 43. First year, I got through, thinking 2nd year will be better looking at my 3rd holiday season without him The rest of the post has been deleted, only the title remains. Try not to constantly think of your sadness. 1 time she was just glowing and smiling but did not talk. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder. Im so glad I found this post. Someone asked if I was a widow. It did get easier and the positivity was flowing for about 3 solid weeks but then the awareness that I am alone hit even harder. Its been a year. Yes, the 2nd year seems much worse. I have days of no energy or ambition. Died. When the season ends, I believe that the Lord will reveal the heart of another companion to you. YouTube A body from the Dyatlov Pass incident. There he was, motionless, in the bottom of our pool. My husband became an alcoholic 8 months before he took his life. Its been 16 months since my husband of 51 years died. With what I took, it should have been my time. Very sad. Im the only left to help them. If you've lost someone you're close to, you might recognize some of these. It does ease after a while. I believe this is what the Lord wants. I feel so empty and lost without her. I try to do things volunteering etc.but I feel numb to everything. The last few years have been a blur of trauma and sadness. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. And my eyes leak out of the blue.I walk past a mirror and dont recognise who I have become. He never smoked but had to have a lung transplant. I too have felt the way you feel. Robin. Im not as outgoing as I used to be but I find things that I enjoy and thats what I do. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. I pray every single day and ask God to help me, not for me but for them. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again. and im back there again crying wishing id made more of that last year. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. That was the dilemma facing Americans who received $1,200 stimulus payments in 2020 by paper check or direct deposit, in the names of deceased spouses and other family members. I have family near and it helps. I too, was 54 and now in my second year of grief. I dont think Ive really dealt with this. Only people whove dealt with a difficult loss can truly be empathetic and understanding. 2 likes. I cant escape it. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyones post were not alone. Really! Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. I think I just feel like I just dont care anymore. I know now that he is not coming back I will not be able to hug him again or have our nightly conversations before bed. That was a good process because it helped me to HOPE that my grief would abate. I've written letters to everyone who . He came into my life defending me from a bully. My faith keeps me standing, keeps me from losing it again. Ive also quit watching TV, which I think has been somewhat helpful. At 4 days old she came into my life as a bottle baby, I fought so hard to keep her alive, she defied the odds for 27 months. Amor Eterno Im only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. I thought he slipped on the ice and hurt his back or knees. Any suggestions will be appreciated. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. talk about your feelings with out your child hearing but talk to your child about their feelings because that child is hurting real bad too. Im now 47. unexpected way. He had choked on an Arbys roast beef sandwich. He was sick for over ten years and he was the one who kept my spirits going. My honey didnt speak much very quiet but he spoke through music, so many dedications to me that now I hear every word of those dedications wow!!! Since my mom's passing I've had four dreams about her. I went back to work and I found some new hobbies and established my new normal. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. Im staying alive for my daughter but I miss him so much, I dont know how Im going to live the rest of my life without him. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and Im.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I dont eat or sleep he was my soul mate how does life go on, I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didnt really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad. Im at month 16 and grieving seems to be taking over my life. totally It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. Your baby's memory expands quickly in their first year of life. )the two dogs were winning for mamma. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. Im in a stage where Im desperatly trying to remember everything about the time we had together. And I think of him everyday . Thank you for your message. In February he will have been gone for two years, and while I have accepted the fact that he is gone, I feel so hollowed out. I wasnt old also I no I wasnt no spring chicken. You are forever alive in my heart. So hard having had to move. Every day is a challenge just to get through it. I am 41 years old and I lost my wife and 14 year old son in a car accident 17 months ago.
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